Bring it on, Santa! Bring it on!

I was recently asked what I wanted for Christmas. I said a nap and an uninterrupted shower. I was only half joking. As I thought about it more, I realized it doesn't have to be an unachievable dream. I can make this happen. So here is my list of demands...er...Christmas list, Santa. And you better deliver, Fat Boy, or the elves are toast!

All I want for Christmas (aside from diamonds and chocolate)

1. The right to use the bathroom without an audience...("Mama, did you poop?")

2. The right to shower without the door being yanked open with demands that I settle an argument or pleas of "Mom, have you seen my bike helmet?"

3. The right to consume at least one meal a day without hearing "Mama, what do you have? Can I have a bite?" and I would like to eat it while it is still hot...hell, I'll even settle for luke warm.

4. The right to listen to "grown up" music in the car every once in awhile without hearing "Not thiiis. I want to hear Polly Wolly Doodle!" whined from the backseat.

5. And speaking of car... I deserve to drive a car that doesn't contain a whole herd of My Little Ponies, enough sand from the school playground to form a small tropical island, and smell like french fries.

6. I want to walk into the bathroom and see a new roll of toilet paper on the roll without having to put it there myself. I deserve never having to drip dry or sit with my pants around my ankles with the door cracked waiting for someone to bring me a roll.

7. I want to be able to say the "s" word without some little nark tattling "Ohh, you said stupid! We don;t say stupid!"

8. The right to walk through my kitchen without my sock sticking to some foreign substance. Hasn't anyone in my house heard of freaking paper towels?!?

9. To not have my pockets be used as a trash receptacle or my shoulder as a tissue.

10. To have one day where my conversations don't involve Dora the Explorer, the potty, or knock knock jokes.

That's it, Santa. Think you can handle that?