Friday, March 31, 2006

Blog Exchange - Topic: New Beginnings

It is time for the April blog exchange. I will be here today. Please welcome V from Spells With...

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about ending it, moving on, starting fresh. There are moments that it feels like it will never be enough. There are times that I feel we are completely and utterly incompatible. I want to scream at you, "Do you know anything about who I am??? Do you care about me?? Do you care about anything that I do??" But I know the response will be blank. The hurt and offense in your eyes will block out anything that is recognizable to me.

And then there are the other moments. Those times when I feel like we fit like favorite old slippers; when we laugh and talk for hours and completely understand each other; when our differences compliment each other to form something whole and complete. There are days when I feel like every day with you will be spent growing and loving. Because not a day goes by that I can't imagine being with you until the end.

And I wonder how these moments can co-exist in the same relationship. I feel like they are beating on me, each trying to win me over with its seductive ways. The allure of being free from the tension, the anxiety, the over-sensitivity....wouldn't it be nice? And the magnetism of security. Feeling safe and secure and knowing that this is it.

So I wake up each morning, look at you fresh out of your shower, and decide to go on and to start fresh. Everyday I will struggle to keep us alive as long as I can also keep holding onto myself. Everyday is the day that I can make one thing better, and that one thing that could change everything, for better or for worse. I'll try to make it better. And I hope you will too.

(V detests bios, but loves her daughter, knitting, and a guy named N. She likes to blather on about all of these things at Spells With...

This post is part of a monthly blog exchange, held on the first of every month. We all write on a topic (this month is New Beginnings) and post on another person's blog as a way to gain new readers and find new blogging friends. This month's participants include: Christina (www.amommystory.blogspot.com), Kristen (www.motherhooduncensored.typepad.com), TB (www.soulgardening.typepad.com), Chase (www.tastetheworld.org), Mel (www.mamamamamaternity.blogspot.com), stacy (www.anothermommymoment.blogspot.com), Julie (www.mothergoosemouse.blogspot.com), Laurie (www.divinecalm.com), Mabel (www.mabelsmuse.typepad.com), and Vicki (www.knittingspells.blogspot.com). If you would like to participate, please email Kristen at kmei at yahoo dot com.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Mabel said...

That's probably one of the most truthful posts I've ever read... at least that I can connect with. (((hugs)))

7:46 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

Wow V. That was powerful. Really good stuff.

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

V, that was really beautiful. I love how you see each day as a new beginning. That is such a hopeful way to look at things.

11:56 AM  
Anonymous roo said...

Oh, V. You know I know how you feel.

Let me know when you need a car party-- I'll be happy to bitch/gush sappily as needed.

Also (just curious)-- was it easier to write this away from home?

1:28 AM  

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