Dude, can I borrow your truck?

I'm moving. Yep, I'm making the switch to wordpress. Why? I Do. Not. Know. I set The Boy up on wordpress to that my blogless family could comment on his blog without it being an ordeal and decided it would be a good idea for me too. It was late. There were templates and widgets. and so it is. It is hard to let go of the very convincing Elvis impersonator, but the times, they are a changin'. And since no one actually reads this blog, I figured what the heck.

Do me one big favor though...all of you blogexplosion flybys and googlers searching for "Yo Mama" jokes....

Please visit my new blog to read this about my son...and take a second to do something small to you, but big to a boy. Thank you.

And now I'm off to pack.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. My daddy's farts smell like....

Overheard while making dinner...

The Husband and The Girl discussing (of course) farts.

The Husband: Daddy's farts don't stink. They smell like roses.

The Girl: (with nary a pause) Yes they do! They smell like dead roses!

and also...

The Husband: Our computer server at work is having issues.

The Girl: Really Daddy? For real? (her new favorite saying)

The Husband: Really what?

The Girl: Your computer has shoes?

Get it? Issues...shoes...Ba dum bum!

The Girl. The comedian.

Phonin' it in

I have acquired a new hair color. Not on purpose. I needed a new box of hair dye. My husband called from the store. They did not have my color. I picked a new color over the phone. Yep.

I checked out the box when he got home. It was red. Really red.

When I put it on my head it was dark. Really dark.

I was afraid I was going to look like this.

I don't do goth. I mean I'm pale, but not on purpose or anything.

When I washed it out it looked like the shower scene from Psycho. As the red water pooled around my feet I checked my self for machete wounds.

It turned out ok. The Boy actually said he liked it. And he doesn't notice anything.

Maybe I should make all of my beauty descisions by phone.



The Girl had her big tea party for her two Grandmas today. It had been in the planning for 2 weeks as a homeschool project. She made invitations, placemats, learned how to set the table, and how to be a good hostess. We made cookies from scratch (still surprised hell didn't freeze over) and tiny little tea sandwiches. We all dressed for tea.

My lovely little hostess greeted them at the door, thanked them for coming, and took their purses. She passed out cookies and sandwiches like a pro. As she daintily nibbled her sandwich, she belched. Loudly. And burst into gales of 3 year old screeching laughter. When jelly dripped on her arm, she licked it off like a cat. She ate a sugar cube and licked the peach preserves off of the knife. She gave herself a sponge bath with her cloth napkin and water glass.

It was the best tea party I have ever been to.

Note: In the pics of The Girl, note the eyeshadow. She could not choose between two shades of pink so she used them both. One on each eye.

Love Hangover

I'm getting off to a bit of a slow start this morning. I'm exhausted. Of course with yesterday being Valentine's Day, I spent the night doing very little sleeping and a whole lotta' screaming.

Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.

Yeah. Right.

I did do very little sleeping...due to the three and a half year old hogging my pillow, and digging tiny little toes into my stomach and/or back.
I also did plenty of screaming thanks to The Husband.
I yelled things like...
"You're snoring again!" "Would you please roll over?!" "ROLL OVER!

Snoring is so hot.

I'm glad I no longer buy into the Valentine's Day hype, or I may have felt let down.
Who needs a romantic dinner....I prefer the Mexican pizzas, eaten off of paper plates, each lovingly poked, prodded, and fingered by The Girl.
Who needs a night of passion when you can stay up late watching some financial advisor on PBS and crawl into a bed to find your spot is being hogged warmed for you?

Not Me. Nope. Passion schmassion.

I did, however get a gushy card from The Husband....and even better than that, a whole pound of Scotch-Mallows from See's candy. Yum. I think I'll keep him.

Side note: The Sport's Illustrated Swimsuit issue came out. Beyonce is on the cover. In an interview she said she loves the magazine because they feature "real women...with real curves"
Um...what now? Real women? Real curves? Uh, yeah. Shut up. When the scrawny wisps of girls found in those magazines face deciding whether to tuck their tummy roll into their pants or let it flop over, when they put on jeans and are confronted with the disturbing "swish, swish" sound of thighs rubbing together, or when their breasts sit on their laps when they are not wearing a bra...then, they can call themselves "real women". Hrumph.

Check please....

A little background...My step-dad is in the hospital, in the ICU. He had a liver transplant about 2 years ago. He has fluid around his lungs. He has been in the ICU for over a month.

A few nights ago we loaded our freak parade in the old SUV and headed off to Red Robin. My daughter(3 yo)was wearing a full on Princess costume, pink My Little Pony Tiara, striped knee socks, and black Hello Kitty penny loafers (?). My son (9yo)carried a large bottle of Tums (long story).

During dinner my daughter asked if she kissed Papaw (my step-dad) if she could "catch his sick." I assured her that she couldn't and she asked why not. I began to tell her that some kinds of sick you can't catch from people. "Like cancer, you can't catch. And like So-and-So's diabetes. You can't catch," I assured her.

She seemed satisfied and sat silently absorbing the new information. Then my son piped up with...

"Genital herpes is a disease."

Blink. Ahem.

"What?"

"Genital Herpes is a disease...and there is no cure."

An expectant hush fell on the tables surrounding ours.

"Erm...yes....it....is."

But then I recovered. A bit.

"Yea, but you can still hike, kayak, and rock climb."

So the commercial says.

Hellooo? Anybody there?

Well, after a short ...cough... 9 month...cough...break, I have decided to revisit the old blog. There is some dust and cobwebs, but I think I can fix her up. A few adjustments and she'll be good as new...which, for those (5 people) of you who remember, was not that good anyway. See, should be an easy job.
It only took 15 tries for me to remember my blogger password and here I am.
Not much new to report...just that we are back in CA, I sold my store and started one online, and oh yeah...I homeschool both of my lovely little offspring.
So what's new in the bloggosphere?