Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Blog Exchange

I am participating in blog exchange. Eight of us volunteered to trade up blogs for a day. The topic is what it means to be a woman or a variation thereof. C.M.Chase from Taste the World is my guest writer. Her awesome entry is found below, as "I Ain't No June Cleaver, Yo". It definitely is an improvement to the crap writing you usually get around here. My entry can be found at her blog. Pay her a visit and check it out.

I Ain't June Cleaver, Yo

When I heard the topic of the blog exchange, ‘what it means to be a woman,’ my first thought was somewhere along the lines of “oh lord in heaven, I’m SO not the person to write about what it means to be a woman.” I spent a couple of days pondering what I thought it meant to be a woman - and all the typical womanly issues came up. I thought of words like feminism, strength, dedication and soul. I wrote out a couple of lovely drafts, discussing how, despite our differences, we are all one in our feminism. Then I read those drafts and thought “Ugh - what a load of crap!”

So I thought I’d introduce myself to you all with what being a woman means to me. First of all, I’ve never once said the word ‘feminism’ out loud. I own the company I work for, which is a construction-based company, so I know all about making my own way in a male-dominated world, but I’m certainly not a burn-my-bra type of person. (If you saw my boobs, you’d know I NEED that bra.) I don’t do lipstick (gloss only, please), I don’t wear make-up most days, I will NOT wear pantyhose, I’d rather bite my nails than clip them, I prefer wearing ball caps, and I can’t remember the last time I put on a dress.

When our mothers were young – when I was young, you didn’t hear women saying they didn’t care about the frilly stuff. Because, really, they did. They wanted the newly painted house in ‘burbs, the three polished kids, the always-ironed skirt, the perfect hairdo. Nay, they needed those things – they were supposed to have those things. Heck, to this day, my grandmother irons everything everyday like a good little housewife – even her and her hubby’s pajamas. Because that’s what women do. And, how does my grandmother feel about the fact that I’m not married and don’t have kids at 30? Yeah, we won’t even go there.

The more women I hear open up, the more I find they, more often than not, feel the same way I do – and the more this whole ‘typical’ thing is becoming less and less. I find a lot of women now who don’t want the whole marriage-and-kids thing. And women who are married and have children are losing the Betty Crockerness that used to be, thank goodness. Heck, we admit now that we fart, we don’t shave everyday, we have ingrown toenails, and we pick gunk out of our teeth with our fingernails and don’t think twice about wiping it on our pants!

To me, this is what it means to be a woman – it means being real. It means being a human with flaws and annoying habits and smelly feet and uneven boobs. It means laughing at ourselves because at least we think we’re funny. It means not looking our best all the time and being just fine with that. And it certainly means not ironing our pajamas because we’re just going to pass out in them with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s on our lap anyway.

But mostly, being a woman means being truly honest about who we are, not who others think we need to be. But…um…don’t tell my grandma I said that other stuff, ok? She’s still upset about the kids thing.

. . . . . . . . . .

Written by C.M.Chase at www.tastetheworld.org.

Today's forecast: slightly crabby with a chance of fits.

My daughter is in rare form today. She is cranky. I mean head-spinning, pea-soup-spitting cranky. The kind of bad attitude that makes you want to put the cereal on a shelf where she can reach it and head for the hills. She is a hormonal teenager trapped in a teensy two year old body.

She was helping me empty the dishwasher and wanted to put the soap in. I told her to hold on. She needed to put the last two cups away first. She stormed across the kitchen and muttered. "Affanculo!" For those who don't know, that is pretty much the equivalent of "F- You!" in Italian.
"Hey! That is not a nice word!" I said.
She turned and looked at me like I still needed help tying my own shoes and said, "I. Know."
Well then.
Where does a two year old get a potty mouth like that? Must be the parenting. Losers. In her defense, she has no idea what it means. I am Italian and use it when a situation warrants it, (like when we have no chocolate in the house) for the very reason, that she doesn't know what it means...nor do most people in the checkout line at the grocery store, thankfully. My extended family, however, does know what it means, which should make for some entertaining moments at our reunion this summer. I can hardly wait.

My only consolation is that she has preschool today. Sure it's only for two measly hours, but still. Ahhhhh. Quiet. She can inflict her wrath on her two saccharine sweet preschool teachers. I'm counting down the minutes. In fact, the way she is acting now, I may not even stop the car. Just cruise on by at a slow roll and boot her little behind out of her carseat. Tuck and roll, honey. Tuck and roll.

Before you get your panties all in a wad...of course, I am joking. I would never push my daughter out of a moving car. If you want to call child welfare for something, that is not it. Now if you want to call about the fact that my son once went 7 days straight without bathing or my daughter once ate her dinner off the floor like a dog*....well, I can't blame you there.

*Disclaimer: It was her choice. It was out of her bowl on her placemat. It was cereal. Trix. The low sugar version. Okay? Are you happy? Sheesh.

Monday, February 27, 2006

If You Can't Beat 'Em....

Here is my "things that annoy me" moment of the day...I was informed by an acquaintance that if I had joined some groups or socialized more, that I would like living where I am and not be homesick. Interesting theory I suppose, but it has one fatal flaw. I didn't join groups in California either, and yet managed to be happy where I was. I am not a joiner. I do not join groups. I never have.
One of the groups she was referring to was Mom's Club. I was part of a Mom's Club once. I stuck around long enough to find two people I liked hanging out with, who remain my close friends today. Then I bailed. I had nothing in common with any of the women involved - aside from the fact that I was a breeder. That doesn't make the conversation all that fascinating. How many Mom's Night Outs can you spend chatting about how Junior won't use the potty or little Janie is still waking up twice a night at 13 months old? Call me anti-social, but I can think of a million things I would rather get a babysitter for. Don't get me wrong, I am not against Mom's Clubs, and I would never knock moms commiserating with other moms. I just refuse to believe that it has to be done in well-organized packs.

What is it with women and the need to join things? You don't see this trait half as much in men. When was the last time you saw a gaggle of men headed off to the restroom together? Any men having a Pampered Chef party in your town? I'm thinking no. Is the need to travel in clumps part of the female genetic makeup? If so, I guess I'm missing that gene.

I may sound a little bitter and cranky. It just irks me for it to be implied that my overwhelming urge to fill a suitcase with clean underwear and start hitchhiking back to CA could be somehow cured by hosting playgroup. Bah. That is all.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

What the...?

Since I am a bit of a moron at this blogging thing, I have a dilemma that has been bugging me for quite awhile now. How do I respond to people who write things in my comments? Do I comment back? Do they ever go back to check? Will they ever see it? Do I email them...which is a very time consuming process using blogger. I have come up with a solution...albeit a crappy one. I will respond in this entry. See? Crappy. Crappy but effective.

On the Ratner or Damone question from Izzy. Ratner, of course. Damone was only pseudo cool and we all remember the disappointing performance in the poolhouse.

About my husband's job offer, also from Izzy. - We have some good news. The dream company that my husband had the phone interview for is flying him out for a real interview. They are paying for the flight and hotel. Woo hoo. They want him to come talk to their relocation person to help smooth any transition from moving. Sounds promising, yeah? He has his interview this Monday. They told him that he would be spending the better part of the day there. Also sounds good. I guess there is still a chance it could all go seriously wrong. Will keep you posted.

Thank you all for your nice comments on my Thursday Thirteen. I do have my mom moments. More often than not, though, I feel like a grumpy, naggy mom. So the comments were cool.

There were more questions but they all went back more than a week. The asker probably doesn't even remember asking or care about the answer anymore. I promise I am not lame like that. I just can't operate a blog.

On another note...this entry sucks because there is something quite stressful going on in my life at this time. (Aside from and in conjunction with the job and move). Every brain cell I have is consumed with stress on top of anxiety on top of the uncontrollable desire to ram a spork in my eye. Hopefully by Monday I will have some of it sorted out and will be able to type something coherent.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Thursday Thirteen for my Inner Child

Thirteen reasons I am not mature enough to be a parent.

1. I bought my own box of crayons and hid them so I wouldn't have to share.

2. I pray every night for a snow day.

3. When someone picks on my daughter, my first thought is "kick him in the junk".

4. I often end conversations with my son with the words "Okay, fine. You're right then...Except that you're not!"

5. I wish the school would lay off with that whole attendance/tardy record thing.

6. I regularly eat cookies and soda for breakfast.

7. My kids ask me to turn my music down.

8. I loves me some Play Dough.

9. When I made my kids' Valentine's Day cupcakes, I licked the beaters...then ate four cupcakes.

10. I think it's funny to sneak up on my husband and attack him with crappy karate moves proclaiming "I am a ninja!" Sometimes I do it in slow motion and become "Really slow ninja!" of course.

11. I am jealous of my kids' stuff. When was the last time I got a gift this cool?

12. If given the chance, I would totally spend all of my money on makeup and junk food.

13. I often stop and look around and wonder exactly whose life I am in. Who the heck thought it was okay for me to be responsible for other human beings?!?

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Collecting My Thoughts
2. Reflections of a Not So Ordinary Mom
3. Mental Excrements
4. The Idle Receptionist
5. Diary of the Nello
6. Musings from the Edge
7. The Purple Giraffe
8. Lazy Daisy Log
9. fefyfomanna
10. Shelli's Sentiments
11. The Shizzle
12. Whiskey Talking
13. Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture
14. Musings from the Edge
15. Snickerdoodles
16. Peanut Tales
17. Confessions of a Busy Mom

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Why I Don't Sell Them to Traveling Gypsys...

My daughter (2 and a half) is currently scrubbing my kitchen. She pulled out all of the canisters and wiped them all down. Took all of the spices out of the spinny holder thing (I am so familiar with the kitcheny terms) and wiped them all down and put them back. She did it...for fun. I told you my kids are FREAKS. I wonder if she scrubs showers too?

Hold those gifts. The pity party has been postponed...

My husband had his phone interview today. It seems to have gone well. They would like him to fly out to CA for an interview. That sounds promising. They said they had several other candidates. That sucks. But flying out for an interview doesn't seem like something they would do for a big maybe. We'll see. Now my fate is in the hands of a human resources lady who is supposed to call my husband to set up the day for him to fly out. How long does that take usually? A day? A few days? Weeks? Argh.

Right now my husband is freezing his butt off in a state whose only claims to fame are cheese and Brett Farve. And I'm here in "mommy. mommy! mama. mom! Mah-Meee! I neeeeed you!" hell. I swear both of the kids are getting NyQuil tonight (got any to spare, Nello?) because I need a freakin' (or foreskin) break. I. Need. A. Break.

So, now if anyone can tell me what the timeline is for this hiring crap, I would appreciate it. I have been through it before but can't seem to find the memory of the experience for reference...what with all the anxiety clogging my neurons. Or if you can't help with that...anyone know someone who would like to be the new owner of a great, little maternity and children's boutique in Colorado?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Just Call Me Freaky McFreakout

The kids are back in school (Hallelujah). Which leaves me with nothing fascinating to write about. Unless of course, you want to hear about the two hours I spent scrubbing out my refrigerator. No? Mmmmkay.....how about me compiling a grocery list for my dreaded trip to hunt and gather? You sure? We're down to only condiments, so it's a pretty good one. Fine. Then I got nothing.

My husband is on day 2 in beautiful Wisconsin. Which means, as far as the kids are concerned, it's all me - all the time. The twitching in my eye started earlier than expected. I was awakened in the middle of the night by not one, but both of the kidlets last night. My son's stomach hurt. My daughter had a bad dream. I had no dreams at all because I didn't freakin' sleep. Is it Friday yet?

My husband has his phone interview tomorrow. What interview, you ask? The interview with the kick ass, dream company tomorrow. The interview that determines our entire future. No drama there. I have commenced with the freaking out. By 2:00 tomorrow, I will either be doing the happiest happy dance you have ever seen or wallowing in a big, steaming pile of misery. Stay tuned.

80's MeMe

MeMe from Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored.

My 80's alter ego is Stacy Hamilton from Fast Times at Ridgemont High....well, minus the abortion. Crappy job. Pretty friend. Slept with a loser. Liked dorks.

Looked pretty much like her...but with a little more makeup.

Friday, February 17, 2006


"Still snowbound. Rations are running low. Very low. Dangerously low. The troops are starting to lose it. I don't know how much longer I can maintain order. The look in their eyes scares me. They are arguing amongst themselves. It has gotten violent. Our only hope is for the weather to break soon. Need reinforcements and food immediately to keep order..."

Some genius at my son's school decided to combine the useless Presidents' birthday holidays into a four day weekend. Great idea, Jackhole.

I have both kids trapped here all day. I really should have gone to the grocery store before our little blizzard here. Blows were thrown over the last fruit roll up.

I can't even order a freakin' pizza because no Dominoe's or Pizza Hut delivers to my podunk hole of a town. Well, one does. But only once a day...at 5:30. And you have to order by 4:30. That doesn't help me now, does it?

Somebody bring me a damn pizza.

On a positive note, my husband just got called. He has a phone interview for the job that could be my (our) ticket home. Yeee Hahhh!

On a side note: Every time I write the word "freakin'" in an entry, the spell check offers to replace it with "foreskin". That would really mess with the context of things, wouldn't it? A foreskin pizza. Tasty. Thanks, but no thanks.

One more note: Nothing really, I just realized I had overly "noted" at the end there, and thought I'd add another.

Edited to add: To compound my misery, the doorbell rings. The kids freak out with excitement. It is UPS bringing a package. The box has the word "toys" written on it in huge letters on four sides. I kid you not. My kids are in hysterics. One problem. The package is not for us. Bastards. The UPS guy (who was wearing shorts, WTF?)dragged his ass out into the snow to screw up my day. Thankyouverymuch.

The package is for the previous owner of our house. It may "become" ours by the end of the day. So sue me. Desperate times, you know.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things that BLOW...and by blow, I mean to suck and/or annoy, not to expel air.

1. Waiting. For anything. It blows.

2. Leaving the house when it is all cold and snowy.

3. Getting gas in the snow. Blows.

4. My dog is in heat. No, she is not fixed. Shut up. She is wearing a doggie diaper. I have to change her pads. No kidding. It blows.

5. At 29 years old, having to get up for school (to take my son). I put in my time. No one mentioned I'd have to do it all over again...for another 12 years. Blows.

6. My husband has to go to work in Wisconsin for two weeks. I hate his freakin' job. Refer entry below regarding job...refer to number one above regarding waiting. No offense to those in Wisconsin, but...it blows.

7. Wet socks. They do, indeed, blow.

8. Living somewhere where there is no good food for miles and everything closes at 8:00. Does everyone go to sleep at nine and get up at the buttcrack of dawn?!? You blow.

9. Taxes. Corporate taxes are even worse. But they all blow.

10. Exercise. Even if you find something that you can tolerate. It. Still. Blows.

11. Not having my laptop. Monumentally blows.

12. Blogger. I lost this entry three times and had error messages all day. Don't they know I'm at work and actually have access to a computer?!? Hmph. You blow.

13. Trying to write an interesting Thursday Thirteen and only coming up with this. I blow.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

A Little Bit of This...A Little Bit of That

I haven't been able to get here lately because of my laptop being gone, but also because things are so hectic and scattered. I'm finding it hard to put a coherent thought together when I do get a chance to get to a computer. I don't normally blog about my daily life because, well, who wants to read about my daily life? That is my thought anyway...which was confirmed by my husband who said "I don't get the blog thing. Why would people want to read about someone else's daily life? And why would people want to share details of their lives with total strangers?"

But then I got to thinking. I do like hearing about other people's daily lives. Those whose lives are similar to mine...those whose lives are very different. I am interested to hear that Kristen is pregnant or that Kelly is nervous about starting a business. I don't know why I enjoy peeking into the lives and thoughts of others, (probably because I am nosy) but I do.

So, because I can't see around my life to blog...I will have to blog about my life. And hope that one or two of you are as nosy as I am and will stick around to read it.

We moved to Colorado from California almost nine months ago. In that nine months, I have spent nearly every waking minute plotting ways to return to CA to visit. We have taken three trips back. I count down obsessively to each trip...and start the whole process again the day we arrive home. I was told that moving to a new place like this takes some time to adjust to...even a year. I, however, don't seem to be adjusting. I am horribly homesick. Colorado is a lovely place, but it is not home.

My husband has found a very good job opportunity that could take us back CA. Now I am in panic mode. I want so much for this job to work out because it means going home...but it's everything that goes along with it that is killing me. The waiting to hear about an interview and things. Whether or not he gets the job. If he does, selling our house. Houses take FOREVER to sell here. And my store. What in the world do I do about my store? Can I sell it? Can I find the right person to buy it? Not to mention dragging my family back across the country. But, oh, to be home. Now we are waiting. Waiting for everything. I HATE waiting. So basically now the energy my brain spends scheming for my next trip back is split into fragments. One part hope, one part pleading, one part sheer terror...and a whole buttload of anxiety.

So there. It doesn't exactly make for riveting reading, but it sure clears some of the thoughts running around in my head. It puts them out there. I like them better out there than inside. I can't guarantee the next few weeks of blogging being anymore than scattered thoughts and recounting my daily activites. That is about all of the action my brain can hang with right now.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Special Double Birthday Edition Thursday Thirteen!

Thirteen things I want for my birthday and Bonus Thirteen Reasons birthdays are better when you are a kid.

Thirteen Things I Want for My Birthday

1. A down comforter (I am a sorry excuse for vegetarian, am I not?)

2. A haircut by someone who knows what they are doing.

3. A nice dinner at The Melting Pot or Benihanna's.

4. Weekly maid service.

5. The third season of Northern Exposure on DVD.

6. A new tattoo.

7. This awesomeWillie T-shirt.

8. A subscription to Cosmo.

9. To sleep in as late as I want.

10. More of this makeup that I can't live without.

11. A manicure and pedicure.

12. A nice stay at the Bed & Breakfast we stayed at for our honeymoon and anniversaries. In this

13. The house to myself.

Thirteen Reasons Birthdays are Better When You Are a Kid

1. You get to be king or queen for the day...which involves wearing a paper crown. Where the heck is my crown? Maybe I'll dig my wedding tiara out of the box and wear it around today.

2. Cupcakes. You take cupcakes to school to celebrate. I woke up this morning...not a cupcake in sight. Not one.

3. People care what you want. "What would the birthday girl like to have for dinner today?" No one asked this birthday girl what she wanted for dinner. As a matter of fact, I think I am responsible for making dinner.

4. Presents are way cooler...and you get more. I think I'll take a Lite Brite this year.

5. You not only appreciated the "one to grow on" candle added to your cake, but there was actually room for it.

6. Cool party decorations. My house is decorated for my birthday...in laundry that needs folded and dishes to wash.

7. When you opened a birthday card and shook it for money, people thought it was cute. Now apparently, it's "tacky".

8. You actually thought the wish you made when you blew out the candles would come true if you didn't tell anyone what you wished for.

9. People sang "Happy Birthday" like they meant it.

10. You were excited to graduate from using half years. "I'm 10 and a half!" I think I'd like to stick with 28 and a half, thanks.

11. You thought 16 was old, and 21 was something so far away, you thought you would be flying in Jetson cars by then.

12. Cake shaped like your favorite character. I'll take mine shaped like John Corbett or Tim McGraw this year.

13. One birthday was barely over before you were planning the next one.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The End of the World as I Know It

My laptop is down. Needs to be shipped back to Dell. Gasp. I won't have it back until the end of Feb. Double gasp.

So as not to appear as if I have fallen off the planet for the three of you who read this....I will still post every two days. Borrowing my husband's pc. Sigh.

Don't forget me in my absence. The internet world moves so fast...Sigh. Weep. Moan.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Woo Hoo!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Random things about Mel. Not very exciting, but I have been busy.

1. I have 2 tattoos, but have been tattooed 4 times. Two are covers.

2. I worked as a waitress at IHOP right out of high school. I still can't stand pancakes.

3. I gave birth to an 11 lb. 3 oz. baby. No, he was not a C-section.

4. I went to school to be an American Sign Language interpreter. I quit one semester away from getting certified.

5. I'm Italian, but don't cook. Shocking, I know. I can make a good lasagna...every three years or so.

6. I once totaled a complete stranger's car offroading it. Did you know a car's axle can snap in half?

7. I grew up in a town called Grapeville. The fire department has purple fire trucks. Half of the population was related to me. No, there was no inbreeding.

8. Speaking of inbreeding...I have lived in a mobile home on more than one occasion. I do not currently.

9. I can put my leg behind my head. I used to be able to put both legs behind my head, but I am old.

10. I won a $50 scholarship for community college once. Kick ass.

11. I am vegetarian, but eat my own body weight in junk food daily.

12. My husband and I are in the process of starting our own T-shirt company. We should be ready to go next month. I want to sell millions of shirts, so I can pay or my trips back to CA.

13. My husband has worked at Fender guitars and built robots. I have been a receptionist and sold shoes.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Jaded Sunburns
2. Reflections of a Not So Ordinary Mom
3. Killired
4. The Idle Receptionist
5. Diary of the Nello
6. Musings from the Edge
7. Ramblings of a Working Wife and Mom
8. Rough Draft
9. fefyfomanna
10. the notorious M.O.M.
11. Kate Rothwell
12. Confessions of a Busy Mom

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

And So It Begins...

Pounds to lose:10
Pounds already lost:0
Exercise done: Tahitian Cardio - 45 minutes, all 3 10 minute workouts on Cardio Kickboxing
Surplus Food Crammed In My Piehole: 6 cupcakes. No kidding. I don't use frosting though...that has to count for something, right?

So I got my exercise DVD's in the mail yesterday, giving me no excuse not to stick with my plan. After 45 minutes of uncoordinated undulating that surely offended the entire nation of Tahiti, I decided that wasn't enough. I moved on to the Cardio Kickboxing. It is 3 ten minute workouts. You can do one, two, or all three, depending on your time and stupidity. I, of course, went for all three. I didn't want to plant a roundhouse kick to the rock hard abs of the perky, blonde instructor until 6 minutes into the second workout. As if I could have gotten my fat, wobbly leg high enough to do that. Today I am throwing 8 minute abs and 8 minute arms into the mix....but I'm afraid I'm going to need to slather myself in self-tanner and slick myself up with baby oil to have proper technique on that one.