Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Mel A Lousy Recreation of a Christmas Song for my Thursday Thirteen On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two fighting children and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me three rush custom orders, two fighting children and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, two fighting children, and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD! On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me missing hotel reservations, FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD, four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, two fighting children, and one crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me a million unwrapped presents, missing hotel reservations, FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD, four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a grocery list for shopping, a million unwrapped presents, missing hotel reservations, FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD!, four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, two fighting children, and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me nine last minute errands, a grocery list for shopping, a million unwrapped presents, missing hotel reservations, FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD!, four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, two fighting children, and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a stack of unmailed Christmas cards, nine last minute errands, a grocery list for shopping, a million unwrapped presents, missing hotel reservations, FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD!, four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, two fighting children, and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a family battling a headcold, a stack of unmailed Christmas cards, nine last minute errands, a grocery list for shopping, a million unwrapped presents, missing hotel reservations, FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD!, four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, two fighting children, and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me twelve loads of laundry, a family battling a head cold, a stack of unmailed Christmas cards, nine last minute errands, a grocery list for shopping, a million unwrapped presents, missing hotel reservations, FIVE DAYS TO FIND AN IPOD!, four Christmas cards from realtors, three rush custom orders, two fighting children, and a crispy, needle-dropping tree. On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....the ability to do a normal Thursday Thirteen. Next week, I promise...but I lie sometimes. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. Mrs. Flinger 2. My Thoughts at this Moment 3. Portal of My Mind 4. My Single Mom Life

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Why I Don't Take Public Transportation

My daughter's latest version of "The Wheels on the Bus"

"The alligators on the bus go..bite...bite...bite....
Bite...Bite...Bite...."

The skunks on the bus go puke...puke...puke...
Puke...puke...puke" <-----?!?

What day is it again?

I know it is not Thursday, but I've been meaning to do this and I'm all about instant gratification.

Thirteen Things about Mel Thirteen things that throw off my groove....well, 12 and some plagerism. 1. People who write lame, amateur poems that rhyme. 2. When my eight year old will not wake up on time. 3. When I get the flu and throw up my chili. 4. People who get irritated when I act silly. 5. Kids who pick boogers and wipe them on walls. 6. Women with no backbones and men with no...er...backbone. 7. When I am bloated and can't button my pants. 8. When my otherwise great husband forgets the romance. 9. When you order french fries and they are too greasy. 10. When old men wear Speedos and make me all queasy. 11. People who just drop their trash on the street. 12. People who think "vegetarian" means I don't eat. 13. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am. Ta Da! Sorry it's lame. Please don't kick me out of your club...next time I'll play nice, I promise! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Can you hear me now, Mom? Good.

Is it just me, or are kids' Christmas lists getting out of hand? Some of the top requested gifts this year were iPods, Xbox, and robotic dinosaurs, (which would be really cool except for the price tag).

The lady who does my hair told me her nephew asked for only one thing this Christmas. A cell phone. He is six. Six. What the heck would a six year old do with a cell phone?
"Mom, it's me, Jack. I am in the living room...could you please start the Spongebob DVD over for me. Oh, I could use some more juice."
The best part is, his mom is considering it. What the?!?
"But it is the only thing he asked for."
Is that how it works then? Fine, then the only thing I'm asking for is a platinum three stone diamond anniversary ring.

iPods are cool, but if someone in my house is getting an iPod, it will be someone over 4 feet tall. Already the only thing I see of my son when we are in the car is his forehead bathed in the blue glow of his Gameboy. If we add an iPod we could lose him altogether.

Thankfully, we have eluded the demands for the overly-hyped, overpriced gadgets this year. My daughter wants Play Dough. And Play Dough she shall have. It's when she starts molding it into a cell phone and sending text messages to Dora we need to worry.

Bring it on, Santa! Bring it on!

I was recently asked what I wanted for Christmas. I said a nap and an uninterrupted shower. I was only half joking. As I thought about it more, I realized it doesn't have to be an unachievable dream. I can make this happen. So here is my list of demands...er...Christmas list, Santa. And you better deliver, Fat Boy, or the elves are toast!

All I want for Christmas (aside from diamonds and chocolate)

1. The right to use the bathroom without an audience...("Mama, did you poop?")

2. The right to shower without the door being yanked open with demands that I settle an argument or pleas of "Mom, have you seen my bike helmet?"

3. The right to consume at least one meal a day without hearing "Mama, what do you have? Can I have a bite?" and I would like to eat it while it is still hot...hell, I'll even settle for luke warm.

4. The right to listen to "grown up" music in the car every once in awhile without hearing "Not thiiis. I want to hear Polly Wolly Doodle!" whined from the backseat.

5. And speaking of car... I deserve to drive a car that doesn't contain a whole herd of My Little Ponies, enough sand from the school playground to form a small tropical island, and smell like french fries.

6. I want to walk into the bathroom and see a new roll of toilet paper on the roll without having to put it there myself. I deserve never having to drip dry or sit with my pants around my ankles with the door cracked waiting for someone to bring me a roll.

7. I want to be able to say the "s" word without some little nark tattling "Ohh, you said stupid! We don;t say stupid!"

8. The right to walk through my kitchen without my sock sticking to some foreign substance. Hasn't anyone in my house heard of freaking paper towels?!?

9. To not have my pockets be used as a trash receptacle or my shoulder as a tissue.

10. To have one day where my conversations don't involve Dora the Explorer, the potty, or knock knock jokes.

That's it, Santa. Think you can handle that?

Battle of the Bulge

My body has turned on me. You would think I could trust it, what, with it being my body and all. It started with my stomach. It made friends with my butt and now they are conspiring against me.
My stomach never forgave me for my two pregnancies. At least that is what I can surmise as it's horrible rebellion occurred in conjuction with the birth of each of my children. Especially my daughter. After my daughter, it turned into an floppy, accordion-like apparatus, with what resembles a road map of Cleveland drawn in stretch marks. I can see how it would hold a little grudge. I can. But I thought we had managed to work through that. I didn't know it had secretly been plotting its revenge. It happened a few weeks ago when I was desperately looking for something clean to wear. I went for my "fat pants" - you know the pants you wear when you are bloated or hit the cookies a little too hard? Fat pants. I pulled them on...well, sort-of. They sort of dragged when they got to hip level. I didn't pay it much attention until....the zipper resisted. Now that got my attention, but I still found no reason to panic. The button gave me the real trouble. Of course I swung around to check the label to make sure these were, in fact, my "fat pants". They were. GASP! Surely they had shrunken in the dryer. I am not exactly June Cleaver when it comes to laundry. But I was only fooling myself...I knew I air dried my fat pants, precisely so this type of incident would never, ever happen.

Now I knew I had gained a little weight, but to outgrow my fat pants! That was the wake up call I needed. I informed my husband that I was going to start "watching what I eat" - which of course meant he was now watching what he ate as well. The diet went well. Lasted about 4 hours, which I believe is my new record.

My fat pants are now just my pants. I caught a glimpse of my behind in the mirror and realized that my stomach had somehow managed to turn my rear against me as well. Either that or my butt has decided to do a little remodeling and put on an addition. Quite a large one too. That has to be some sort of code violation back there. I would turn it in, but I don't want to provoke it. I can't afford to keep replacing my fat pants.

So now, my main objective is to lose 8 pounds. The best plan of attack is to watch what I eat and exercise. Hmm. Or I could just focus my energy on keeping my butt and stomach from talking to my thighs. Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

And the list goes on...and on...and on

Anyone who knows me, knows I am annoyed very easily and very often. A character flaw maybe, but it is what it is ::shrug:: I have a list I keep in my head titled "Things that Annoy Me." I add to it often. Today I am going to give you a peek at what is being added to my list at this very moment.

Things that Annoy Me
1.Things that do not work how they are supposed to. When something is supposed to work a certain way and it doesn't, it tends to get me a little miffed. (This addition to the list is very hypocritical since I should technically be counted as something that doesn't work how it's supposed to myself.)

2. People who either mishear, misunderstand, or just plain don't know and then take it out on you. Sure, you may want something to be a certain way, you may think it should be, but it is not. I have done my best to convey to you in advance how it is. You insulting me when things don't go your way may make you feel better, but it makes me feel like crap. Thank you for that. I have decided I am way to sensitive to be in any sort of customer service related field...but more on that in another entry.

3. People who say they are going to do something and don't. People who are reminded about what they said they would do and didn't, and who still don't do it, are even worse. Now, I don't know if that made any sense or not, so allow me to clarify. My financial institution (the one with the stagecoaches that rhymes with Bells Largo, you know the one) assured me, completely unprompted, in our little overdraft fiasco that the fees would all be waived. Awesome because their fees are freakin' high. Wonderful. I go home stressed about the account, but feeling happy that the fees wouldn't kill us. Well, the fees were never removed. I made a polite but pleading reminder call, and was assured it would be taken care of. 7 days and $330 later...no removed fees. Bah. Now I know our account was overdrawn and fees should apply...but don't volunteer to remove them as a courtesy and then not do it.

To convey the image that I am not a complete and total grump-ass all of the time I offer:

Things that DO NOT Annoy me

1. When my daughter, finding my bra left in the living room, picked it up, started swinging it around and cried "Mama, you left your BOOBY TRAP in the living room!" She has taken to make up words when she lacks the proper vocabulary, and that was a particularly good (and accurate) substitution.

2. When my son, who was playing outside in what was left of the snow, came running in to give me a piece of slushy ice....."it's shaped like a heart!" he exclaimed. Now that does no annoy me at all.

There has been some wondering as to whether I should be allowing my customers access to my grumpy, bitchy underbelly. Probably not good business. I am still mulling it over, but believe I am fairly safe for now, as my aunt is the only person I know who is actually reading this at all. Hello Aunt D!

My Dirty Little Secret

I am having a fling with an older man. I didn't set out for it to happen, but it did. Maybe it was the maturity and well-developed sense of responsibility that attracted me. Maybe it was the rugged looking facial hair. Whatever it is, I can't help myself...I'm going to continue the affair...at least until February when my birthday puts an end to it.

My husband turned the big two-nine this weekend. Happy birthday to the best person I have ever met.